I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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