I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
