If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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