I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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