Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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