$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish there were birth control emojis
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
