Cold hands, warm shart.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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