If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
