This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
