Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
