He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize