2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
