You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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