Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
