wanna go halves on a baby?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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