my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
