He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
