i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
