Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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