Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize