The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
