My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
