put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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