Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
