Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
