i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
