I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
