but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
