I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
