Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
