You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
