I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
