Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
