I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
