I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
