I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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