whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
