who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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