What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
