you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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