Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
