he wants to bone in the snuggie
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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