if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
