it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
