the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
