How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
