No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
