im having a threesome with these popsicles
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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