so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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