flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
