five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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