I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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