Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize