I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
