Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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