I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
