Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
