I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
