so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
