at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
