My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
