Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize