His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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