I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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