did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
