did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
