I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
