Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
