Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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