Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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