I wish my penis had an off switch
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
