i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize