drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
