I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
