it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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