you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
