I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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