There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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